I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
