After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You dont lie about slip and slides
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
