Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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