her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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