Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
