Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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