you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
one might say we're banned from that church
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
