New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
