Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
