i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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