Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm just crazy horny about you
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
