I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
