i just had sex bonerless
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
