i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
