I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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