i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
