i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
