at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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