glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
