New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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