We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Randomize
