"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
