I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
