wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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