she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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