before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
