I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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