Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
