any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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