the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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