Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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