He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
They took my balls.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
