What did we do last night that was yellow?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
