..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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