I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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