dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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