chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
