i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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