all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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