i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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