she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
