i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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