my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
