I seem to have left my pride at pride
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
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I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
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If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize