I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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