What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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