Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The best revenge is premature balding
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Hippo gnu deer
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
my poor anus
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm both gender and math confused
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
