Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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