people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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