Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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