More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
