Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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