I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
