I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
