Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
