Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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