Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
