I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
