im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
