I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
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I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
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Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize