i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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