Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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