I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
