White coat. Heels.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
