He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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