i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
