well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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