dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
