I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
