He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
