what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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