she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
