this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
