I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
