I'm gonna have a badass scar
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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