To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i just had sex bonerless
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
