Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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