I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
